Part of me wants to play it safe and part of me wants to break out. It these two opposing tendencies that i contend with on a daily basis. There is no doubt that i will be happy having all the creature comforts of life and a steady income that allows me to pay the bills and entertain. But that life does not completely satisfy my urge not be confined with any boundaries. Increasingly, i feel the need to live in a commune, may be of my own making where i could create life naturally as it should be. I am no idealist when i say i want to grow my own food, generate my own electricity, build my own house. I want to able to do that on my own terms. I think urban life is sedative, drugs you into acquiescence. I'm cool with it is not a lifestyle i see for myself.  I like the struggle of being able to push yourself beyond what is given. For the most part i hold back. But if i once given in, there will be no looking back. I will do it and i want to be in a position do it. Not be accountable to anyone for my decision to do it. Lest the clock is clicking and time slips slowly by. The day will come when i will not be blogging but writing letters in the sand.

I want to stop, be still and stare into nothingness. No words should describe my feelings. No thoughts should cloud my mind. Just black out. The void is the moment to enter the consciousness. In the dark is the light, in the truth is my life, losing self to reclaim what is mine.

Pinudas

Pinudas, with you there is no end no beginning. there is just ceaseless desire to be fulfilled and shared
Pinudas, with you there is no boundary no frontier, there is just the open horizon on which we tread
Pinudas, with you there is morality no shame, there are just naked souls revealing their fate
Pinudas, with you there is no hope no despair, there is just this moment of ours which we call 'the love affair'
Pinudas, I am you and you are me, in the end all we are left is neither of us, for we are free.

I want  my periods to start. At least that way i will know my body is functioning normally.

Embrace and transform. Two words I am trying to imbibe in my everyday life and practice. Patience, hope, peace.OMMMM

Join the fight club

Some of the hardest battles are fought alone. In the silence of other rooms, in the cobwebs of memories, in the angst of retribution, in the humour of human folly, in the sadness of fate, in the hope of redemption. I am forever condemned to fight this life, this existence, this being.

Since Sunday evening, there has been no water at home and life has understandably come to a standstill. Our entire household has been turned upside down. The fragile sense of normalcy which we maintain has given way to frayed nerves and hot tempers. Everyone is on the edge; waiting in anxiety. Our predicament is best captured in the words of Coleridge in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner-

Water, water, everywhere,

And all the boards did shrink;

Water, water, everywhere,

Nor any drop to drink.

How do we get a system which focuses only the accumulation of capital and money to take social responsibility for its own systemic consequences?

Like how, any ideas??:)

Today is your birthday and I am not there to share the joys of growing up with you. Will I be there to witness your victories and your failures? I don't know but don't hold it against me. This choice was mine and i made it knowing that we would lead separate lives, if only for a while. But sometimes I wish I didn't do this- being away when you are still here, being indifferent when you still care, being maudlin when you are so matter-of-fact, being out-of-sync when you are in the moment. For in being who I am I realise what you have been and will always be- a source of infinite joy and comfort for me.