Who am I?

I keep telling myself I don't know. This has been a reassuring thought for me, providing comfort in moments of crisis.

Not anymore. If there is ever a time I feel I am being torn apart by the forces of human nature, this moment would have to cataclysmic.

I am dying. I could probably kill myself in this heart-wrenching exercise.

I have choosen to live the the way I do because I have lived in fear of myself and others around me, like a rabbit in a hole.

I was not like this. When did I become like this?

I don't know. Or maybe I do.

Yes. When I ceased to think for myself and only think about those around me.

So there was never a real Me. There was only a Me which others knew and approved.

But when did I seek approval?

All the time. Not for myself but for others.

.........................................................................