Jan 28th 2010

Seven going on eight...........

Dates that define our lives, that etch our memories.

******************************

Love is not so much a number game,

But the decoding of the consciousness, of experiences and remembrances that number our lives.

Who am I?

I keep telling myself I don't know. This has been a reassuring thought for me, providing comfort in moments of crisis.

Not anymore. If there is ever a time I feel I am being torn apart by the forces of human nature, this moment would have to cataclysmic.

I am dying. I could probably kill myself in this heart-wrenching exercise.

I have choosen to live the the way I do because I have lived in fear of myself and others around me, like a rabbit in a hole.

I was not like this. When did I become like this?

I don't know. Or maybe I do.

Yes. When I ceased to think for myself and only think about those around me.

So there was never a real Me. There was only a Me which others knew and approved.

But when did I seek approval?

All the time. Not for myself but for others.

.........................................................................

I don't want to be Me; I want to kill and bury myself and take a new life.

New Year's Eve

We laughed and laughed.

I laughed as he laughed.

He laughed as I laughed.

Like donkeys braying at night.

:)

Pinoo

I am a love psycho, kill me!

<3