may 12th update

Just bought gold jewellry worth 1 lakh for the wedding, which has been packed away in a locker. I have willingly given myself up to the stranglehold of money and marriage. No guilt, no complaints. amen.

last night's argument of whether a woman's place is at home (reference- mahanagar/ray) got pinoo and me into a heated argument, which eventually turned personal. i am not surprised. the personal is political, especially when it relates to gender roles in families. i ranted, hemmed and hawed and yes, i was strident in my views but i wasn't alone in the act. pinoo was equally 'worked up' about the matter being debated. however, the subtle difference being that for a woman getting 'worked up' becomes a natural act, subject to repeated derision; whereas for a man, it is an behavioural aberration, a one-off, sporadic incident not to be questioned. to my mind, this binary of how men and woman are expected to emotionally respond places a burden on both sexes. for a man, acknowledging that he can have strong emotions becomes an excruciating exercise in denial and for a woman it remains a tantrum to be endured by others. there is something insidious at play in all domestic relationships, doubting the self and individual intent being the prime targets.

 bobo is a personality in conflict. she does not know how to reconcile the divergent thoughts in her mind and suffers from a mild persecution complex. in her everyday relationships, she finds herself unable to express herself honestly and feels stifled as a result. perennial questioning- will she be judged? will she pass judgement? navigating the minefield of human interactions, there is a lurking fear that the workings of her inner demons might take control. she remains tentative, unsure when she might just let go...